Articles

Articles

How to Combat Hidden Soundtracks Before They Derail Your Relationship

By Toni Nieuwhof

How to Combat Hidden Soundtracks Before They Derail Your Relationship “Ta daaa!!!”  My husband Carey swept his arm toward something never spotted before in our humble garage.   It was a brand new kayak, all gleaming and baby blue. “Yay!! Thanks, hon!”, I said.  As I looked over the small plastic vessel, I noticed one thing …

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Try a criticism fast to disrupt the critical spirit in your marriage.

By Toni Nieuwhof

Try a criticism fast to disrupt the critical spirit in your marriage. Criticism creeps its way into almost every couple’s relationship at some point.   I heard Jim Gaffigan recently quip about veiled criticism. Try gifting your spouse an unasked-for bathroom scale for Christmas.   What about this statement: “You’re just like your mother!”? I’m not going …

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Are you tired of the conflict and looking for more peace and joy in your marriage?

By Toni Nieuwhof

Are you tired of the conflict and looking for more peace and joy in your marriage? Deep down in your heart of hearts, you probably don’t love a mess.  Even if you typically live with more mess than you’re naturally wired for. Perhaps like me, when you surface from whatever really captivates you, you don’t …

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Regaining Self-Control When Stress Leaks Out

By Toni Nieuwhof

Regaining Self-Control When Stress Leaks Out   I’ve had people ask me, “How can I stop yelling at and nagging my husband and kids?” If your frustration level is high and you’re trying to contain it rather than share it, your effort at self-control will only last so long. Sooner or later, those emotions you’re …

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Why debriefing a heated argument with your spouse is essential and how to do it

By Toni Nieuwhof

Why debriefing a heated argument with your spouse is essential and how to do it Perhaps heated arguments with your spouse leave a bad taste in your mouth.  Maybe not all the time, but sometimes.  You find your way through it and everyone survives, but beneath the surface there’s a part of what went down …

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How to avoid a relational nightmare when you’re ‘living the dream’

By Toni Nieuwhof

How to avoid a relational nightmare when you’re ‘living the dream’ I know an elderly couple, Jack and Olive, who’ve lived in a lake house in northern Quebec for years.  The property was a homestead for Olive’s family, which she eventually inherited.  Although it was out of the way in a sparsely populated area, its …

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Could You Be The Leader Your Marriage Needs?

By Toni Nieuwhof

Could You Be The Leader Your Marriage Needs?   When I ask, “Could you be the leader your marriage needs?”, is there a part of you that pushes back? Do you think: “Well I am, but it’s not helping” or “It’s his (her) fault we’re in this mess. If he would just stop doing ____ …

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How to spot joy-stealing pessimism in your marriage and what to do when you find it

By Toni Nieuwhof

How to spot joy-stealing pessimism in your marriage and what to do when you find it Black and white, no grading on a scale, answer this question:  are you a pessimist? Optimist or pessimist? Set aside any impulses you give the answer you would rather be or aspire to be.  Also resist for a moment …

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5 Moves To Raise your Marriage to New Heights

By Toni Nieuwhof

5 Moves To Raise your Marriage to New Heights Let’s say your marriage has gone from ‘bliss’ to ‘okay’ to ‘beyond stressed’.  Maybe you’ve even had that conversation with your partner, where you’ve said, “I can’t do this anymore!”  If this is you, then you’ll probably agree that in your relationship, you’re just surviving. In …

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5 Insidious Ways You May Be Sabotaging Your Marriage

By Toni Nieuwhof

5 Insidious Ways You May Be Sabotaging Your Marriage If you’re like most married people, you want your marriage to be great.  But if you’re like most married people, some of the ways you treat each other are not-so-great.  These pitfalls can creep in without you even noticing.[1]  That is, until now! Turning a fun …

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